Fear

I dreamed a dream:

It was night and the darkness covered our souls. The icy cold touch on your skin stuck there for an eternity. But it was different… because not only the weather, but your heart was also cold. Empty, motionless. You looked like a human filled with hate and poverty. A man filled with lies and breaths full of arrogance. That wasn’t you. You told me you loved me and I didn’t reply. Not only because I didn’t feel like it was the truth. But because I couldn’t find the warmth inside myself to tell you that I loved you. Because loving you means accepting you for who you are with no intend of changing you into someone else. And that was something I desired so hard in those short moments. We’d walk on the street and I can still recall your voice telling me words that hurt so bad. The thing that actually made me realize that person wasn’t you was your carelessness. It didn’t even bother you the tear streaming down my cheek when in reality you’re fighting for my happiness. How could it be you? ‘Cause I’m aching for you, longing for you and it that freezing space in my mind I could not recall such feelings. Every atom of my being lives in this burning desire to have you next to me, but it was gone. It hurts when you’re not around and why does it hurt when you’re in my dreams? As you fluttered your cigarette in front of me like I was just another one. Just another human being standing there with you in your small life circle. I wanted to hate you. I swear I did. 

I had this dream. But it wasn’t a dream. It was my biggest, deepest fear. Me losing you.

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